Grief

I’ve spent so long stranded here,

going through phases of fight and surrender,

until the weight of it all pulls me under.

No longer am I able to pretend,

so deeper down, I descend,

into the anger that fuels me, 

the fire that is me.

Drowning in emotions I cannot explain,

trapped at the bottom, is where I remain.

Until I realize that what was masked as hate,

was really the grief, left in your wake.

Grief for a connection I’ll never know,

the seeds you bought but never sowed.

Grief for a childhood stolen from me,

never given the chance to be free.

Grief for the love of which I know nothing.

Your apathy used to sting, now it’s numbing

Grief for an idyllic life that will never be mine.

So here is where I draw my final line.

I see now, you’d rather let me suffer than be free.

And the truth is, no one will ever come to save me.

So I cut the chains that have been weighing me down,

and fight towards the light, refusing to drown.

As I break through the surface, gasping for air,

my new-found freedom is met with despair.

The reality of what I have always known, 

Even from the very beginning, I was alone.

2021